She has some strong opinions on church and cookie recipes.
Image courtesy of PearlsFromMyrna/Twitter
In America P.T. (pre-Trump), Twitter was a place boiling over with creativity where comedians tweeted their musings while competing with one another for favorites, shares, and followers.
But a few years ago, it seemed like the humor left Twitter. The jokes stopped coming, and instead, everyone just starting screaming at each other about politics. Which, let’s be honest, is a lot less fun.
Myrna Tellingheusen, an elderly woman who lives outside of San Diego, California, is a great throwback to the days of Twitter P.T. Every day she shares her hilarious thoughts about church, her friends at the book club, daily drama at the supermarket, and cookie recipes.
Myrna is the perfect choice to be the official grandmother of Twitter.
However, there’s one small problem: no one knows if she actually exists. She did share a little about herself to Bored Panda, but it’s not enough to reveal her true identity.
“I exist in a modular home park in Rainbow, California, a sleepy little town just north of San Diego, and just south of Temecula,” Myna (or the comedian who created Myrna) wrote. “My story is long as fascinating. However, the short version of this story is I want to make social media fun. There is too much acrimony in the world right now, and people need to laugh at themselves.”
Whether she’s real or not, she’s funny. Here are 17 of Myrna’s best tweets:
\nIn my time, real men did not smoke cigarettes with batteries.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) May 17, 2018\n
\nToday is a good day to find the nearest (plastic covered) Broyhill sofa and enjoy a lemon sherbet.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) June 8, 2018\n
\nPumpkin Sweater Vest Season is here! And with that, my uncanny ability to identify wearers’ purchases:
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) September 16, 2018\n
Loretta’s vest- Kohl’s, 2012
Muriel’s- Sears ‘09
Helen’s- Penny’s ‘15
Joan’s- Simplicity pattern ‘82
Doris’- Walmart shoplift ‘07 pic.twitter.com/l8rDcGtD6L
\nIn these uncertain times, I take great comfort knowing my kitchen twist ties are well organized and properly stored.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) September 21, 2018\n
\nSince 1972, I’ve been keeping calendars to record every time another person steals one of my recipes.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) September 24, 2018\n
\nThe best doughnuts come in pink boxes.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) August 24, 2018\n
\nWhen eating at a restaurant, I always try to sit facing the entrance so that I can evaluate everyone who enters.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) September 18, 2018\n
\nAvocado toast is best eaten with two (2) slices of bread, plus mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, and crispy bacon.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) September 5, 2018\n
\nI am currently experiencing moderate to severe anger.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) September 14, 2018\n
\nMy feelings about store-bought cookies are so strong I once wore a mood ring that exploded at a reception table.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) September 23, 2018\n
\nI am fond of relaxing in my recliner and quietly contemplating all the ways people disappoint me.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) September 14, 2018\n
\nSomeone sat in my spot on the church pew where I’ve sat EVERY Sunday for the past 14 years!!
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) September 2, 2018\n
\nSingle-ply is what happens when men are left to make important decisions.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) January 31, 2018\n
\nDO I HAVE TO TURN THIS BUICK AROUND AND RUN THE COUNTRY MYSELF
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) September 6, 2018\n
\nNever settle for imitation vanilla extract.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) March 11, 2018\n
\nThe outburst I had at JoAnn’s Fabrics is not reflective of who I am.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) December 16, 2017\n
\nI have made peace knowing someone used my decorative soaps while I was gone. But I never forget.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) October 10, 2018\n
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