The People-Pleaser’s Guide To Pleasing People

If you want to get better at pleasing people, check out these people-pleasing tips and learn how to get the most least out of your life.

1. Always seem happy with everything.

All images via The Cooper Review, used with permission.

Never show negative emotions. Make sure there’s always a smile on your face. This will make people feel good, as if you’re totally fine with everything all the time. They’ll love being around you even if they sometimes feel really uncomfortable.

2. Never end a phone call.

When talking on the phone, never be the first to say you have to go. Wait for the other person to say they have to go before saying goodbye. This gets tricky with telemarketers sometimes, but remember, you need them to like you, too.

3. Never say what you want.

If someone asks you what you want to do, ask them what they want to do. Never be the first to offer up a suggestion. This way you avoid disagreeing with anyone as well as any real enjoyment in your life.

4. Offer to do things you don’t want to do.

If there’s something you know your friend would like, offer to do it for them, even if you have no intention of doing it or don’t even know how to do it. Ultimately, this will piss them off, but in the moment, it will feel like you really made them happy.

5. Get so used to going along with other people that you don’t even know who you are anymore.

Always go along with the group even if the group wants to do something you hate. Get so used to saying yes to everything that you forget your own likes and dislikes. Your suffering is the key to fitting in anywhere you want to go.

6. Don’t ask for anything.

Never come right out and ask anyone for anything. Always give them several ways of saying no, if you even end up asking them at all. People will appreciate how much you don’t need anyone and that you’re fine being all by yourself and, God, why are you so alone?

7. Always leave without saying goodbye.

The Irish exit is your friend. It means you don’t have to admit to anyone that you don’t really want to be there anymore. The last they’ll remember of you is what a great time you were having, and none will be the wiser.

Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and creator of The Cooper Review. Her first book, “100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings,” is out now. You can get it here.