Older dads sound off on when they’re confused for grandpa around their young children

A dad on Reddit shared an experience he had in a thread on r/daddit. What happened to him is something that has become a growing trend in recent years. He was showing a picture of his seven-month-old son to a person. She asked the question that many older fathers dread: “Are you his grandpa?”

Fellow older dads empathized with the father, as many of them were also asked that question at one point or another in their life in fatherhood. One would think that fatherhood itself would cause enough stress to induce a few premature gray hairs and wrinkles, but not enough to jump past a whole generation. Many of the older dads offered their takes on how to respond to the “Are you their grandpa?” query.

Many first-time fathers are much older than in previous generations.Photo credit: Canva

“A couple options here, get upset or relish embarrassing the person. I prefer the embarrassment route, say something like ‘I didn't think I looked that old today,’ or ‘Kids really aged me.’”

“Did you ask her to speak up? Maybe whip out the old ear horn.”

“Shoulda said ‘great grandson.’”

The original poster was 41 years old, which does seem to be older to have an infant child compared to usual norms. However, many men have become first-time fathers much later in life compared to previous generations. According to a Bowling Green State University study published in 2023, 11.8% of births in the United States involved at least one parent who was aged 40 or older. Why is that?

Well, it’s a multi-faceted issue. First, many Millennials went through two recessions throughout typical child-bearing years and couldn’t afford to purchase homes big enough for families or progress in their careers to do so either. According to The Guardian, many still cannot afford to have children either due to housing costs or working multiple jobs in which they don’t have the time to parent. A 2024 survey also found that more than 1 in 5 parents of children under 18 said they wouldn’t or couldn’t have another child due to the cost of raising one. A 2024 report from Bloomberg found that child care costs have surpassed the cost of rent for the average American family, too.

Another reason why there are so many older first-time dads is because there is a growing number of older first-time moms. In 2022, an NBC News report found that the median age of the American mother was 30. This is because many women spent their 20s getting further in their education and careers, hoping to be in a better financial position before pursuing motherhood. Those goals along with a fluctuation in the economy that makes child-rearing more expensive than ever have forced them to put off motherhood until later in life, made accessible through fertility methods like IVF treatment.

So if you’re an older dad, you’re definitely part of a growing trend. However, some older dads might be wondering how to “keep up” with their kids since they’re not in their spry 20s and 30s anymore. While there may be limitations, there is no reason why you can’t experience and have a quality relationship with your child as they grow and you age.

In terms of general bonding, this is where age is just a number. Whether you are 20, 40, or 70, you can still bond with your child through reading to them, bathing them, feeding them, and just being there for general care. Take them on walks, watch television shows you both enjoy, and introduce them to your hobbies that are easier on the knees. As they grow older, you can still play catch and do other physical activities with them, but if it becomes too taxing still encourage them as their “cheerleader” from the sidelines at games rather than a “coach” at home.

Staying active now could help stay active as you and your child age.Photo credit: Canva

As a general rule many older parents agree that it’s important that they stay healthy in order to stay as energetic as they can and to live to see their kids grow old enough to give them grandchildren. This means being mindful of your diet, exercising regularly, and following your physician’s recommendations to the best of your ability. This way you can still keep up with your kids for a few extra years on the basketball court while also teaching them how to live a healthy lifestyle through your example. You can also chat with other older parents online or in person for advice on how to parent effectively at an older age.

So if you have some gray in your hair while boiling a bottle, don’t stress. You’re definitely not alone.