A look at the perennial blizzard of Mad Lib-like clichés\rRecently, on my blog Wordlustitude, I recalled an old roommate with extreme eating habits: "I lived with a meatorexic once," I wrote with a shudder. "He used to eat slices of salami like they were potato chips. My name is Mark Peters, and I approved..\n
A look at the perennial blizzard of Mad Lib-like clichés
Recently, on my blog Wordlustitude, I recalled an old roommate with extreme eating habits: "I lived with a meatorexic once," I wrote with a shudder. "He used to eat slices of salami like they were potato chips. My name is Mark Peters, and I approved this disturbing college memory."I don't know if that last sentence made my readers groan, chuckle, or rethink their own diets, but I'm not alone in screwing around with this approving template. People everywhere are putting their good names behind articles, blogs, captions, emails, paragraphs, posts, sentences, status updates, and, of course, messages. It's a handy way to impersonate Presidential candidates ("I'm John McCain and I approved this recession"), show off your ninja-happy persona ("I'm Dan Johnson and I approved this merciless strike from the shadows"), or share a sentiment we can all get behind ("I'm Sarah Gates and I approved this ice cream!")Recessions, ninjas, and ice cream aside, the "My name is X and I approved this Y"-construct is a snowclone-one of those fill-in-the-blank, mega-repeated expressions that linguists, especially those on Language Log, have been collecting since 2003. (There's even a database full of them.)The word snowclone has its origin in the formula, "If Eskimos have N words for snow, then X have Y words for Z." That idea--which is based on total crapola, not actual research--appeared in bazillions of news stories over the years, raising the collective blood pressure of linguists to frightening levels. In 2004, the ever-present snow-words myth was cited as a perfect example of the maddening, Mad-Libs-like memes that the Language Loggers were collecting, which included gems like "To X or not to X?" Economist Glen Whitman cleverly put these overlapping examples together by coining the namesnowclone for such adaptable idioms. It quickly caught on.Geoffrey Pullum, a professor of linguistics at the University of Edinburgh, pithily defines snowclones as "some-assembly-required adaptable cliché frames for lazy journalists." But there's more going on than mindless repetition. A snowclone can be a secret handshake of sorts: take the many variations of the Obi-wan-ism "These aren't the droids you're looking for." Versions seen in blog posts ("These are not the WMDs you're looking for") and on t-shirts ("These aren't the breasts you're looking for") mark Star Wars fandom as plainly as a life-size Yoda doll.Snowclones come from every conceivable source. Apocalypse Now, Alien, and Jerry Maguire gave us "I love the smell of X in the morning," "In space, no one can hear you X," and "You had me at X," respectively, while Letterman, Star Trek, and Seinfeld added "stupid X tricks," "Set phasers on X," and "X about nothing." Shakespeare inadvertently offered up "Much ado about X" and "My kingdom for a X" as future snowclones, but lowbrow sources-like the Oldsmobile commercial that spawned "Not your father's X"-are just as prolific. Even an illness can become a snowclone, as sufferers of post-traumatic duds-doffing disorder and post-traumatic sea monkey syndrome will attest.The most popular snowclone is probably "X is the new Y", which breeds new variations at a rate that puts rabbits to shame. The blogosphere is especially rife with this snowclone, with blogs titled Pink is the New Blog, Red is the New Green, Old is the New New, and Pie is the New Toast. In fact, in just one day (Nov 17, 2008), it coughed up the following examples, among many others:Hope is the new change60 is the new 40Barack is the new DenzelBigfoot is the new blackMark Cuban is the new Martha StewartNatural vanilla is the new orangePomegranate is the new pinkTwitter is the new BlackberryMike Huckabee is the new Ryan SeacrestTransparency is the new accountabilityAmish is the new coolUnprotected sex is the new marriageZeus knows I strive to be a generous, bemused welcomer of all language developments. However, if I had the Greek god's power, I would punish use of that snowclone with the immediate dropping of a flower pot from a high building. Enough!Some snowclones are as fun as clone-clones, though they're harder to mobilize into a terrifying army. I enjoy "Moment of X Zen," which was born in 1996 when the "Moment of Zen" feature debuted on The Daily Show. Though a long way from actual Buddhism, folks who write about moments of "pumpkin Zen," "orangutan janitor Zen," or "hideous couch Zen" are at least pausing to notice and savor what's in front of their eyes. Most days I'm lucky enough to enjoy several moments of "whacko-rat-terrier Zen" and "extra large Dunkin' Donuts coffee Zen," and I'm all the better for it.What snowclones do you-oh blog-inhalers-use, like, love, or loathe?(My name is Batman, and I approved this shameless plea for comments.)(Photo from Flickr user kirinqueen)
Between the bras, makeup, periods, catcalling, sexism, impossible-to-attain beauty standards, and heels, most men wouldn't survive being a woman for a day without having a complete mental breakdown. So here's a slideshow of some of the funniest Tumblr posts about the everyday struggles that women face that men would never understand.
In some states, women are put through humiliating and dangerous pre-abortion medical consultations and waiting periods before being allowed to undergo the procedure. In four states, women are even forced to bury or cremate the fetal remains after the procedure.
These government-mandated roadblocks and punitive shaming serve no purpose but to make it more difficult, emotionally damaging, and expensive for women to have an abortion.
Eighteen states currently have laws that force women to delay their abortions unnecessarily: Alabama, Arkansas, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, South Dakota, Utah, Virginia, and Wisconsin. In a number of other states, mandatory-delay laws have been enacted but are enjoined or otherwise unenforced.
To help women get around these burdensome regulations, The Satanic Temple is promoting a religious ritual it believes provides an exemption from restrictions. According to the Temple, the ritual is supported by the federal Religious Freedoms Restoration Act.
The Temple is a religious organization that claims it doesn't believe "in the existence of Satan or the supernatural" but that "religion can, and should, be divorced from superstition."
The Temple says its exemption is made possible by a precedent set by the Supreme Court's 2014 Hobby Lobby decision. According to the Temple, it prevents the government from putting a "burden on free exercise of religion without a compelling reason."
Ironically, Hobby Lobby's case claimed that providing insurance coverage for birth control conflicted with the employer's Christian faith. The Satanic Temple argues that unnecessary roadblocks to abortion conflict with theirs.
The Temple is promoting the ritual on I-95 billboards in Florida where women must endure an ultrasound and go through pre-procedure, anti-choice counseling before having an abortion.
The Temple's billboards inform women that they can circumvent the restrictions by simply citing a Satanic ritual.
"Susan, you're telling me I do not have to endure a waiting period when I have an abortion?" one of the women on the billboard says.
"That's true if you're a SATANIST!" the other replies.
Next to the ladies is a symbol of a goat head in a pentagram and a message about the ritual.
The Temple also provides a letter that women seeking abortions can provide to medical staff. It explains the ritual and why it exempts them from obligations that are an undue burden to their religious practice.
The Temple believes that some medical practitioners may reject its requests. However, it believes that doing so is a violation of religious freedom and it will take legal action if necessary.
"It would be unconstitutional to require a waiting period before receiving holy communion," the temple says in a video. "It would be illegal to demand Muslims receive counseling prior to Ramadan. It would be ridiculous to demand that Christians affirm in writing the unscientific assertion that baptism can cause brain cancers."
"So we expect the same rights as any other religious organization," the video says.
To perform the ritual, a woman looks into a mirror to affirm their personhood and responsibility to herself. Once the woman is focused and comfortable, they are to recite two of the Temple's Seven Tenets.
Tenet III: One's body is inviolable, subject to one's own will alone. One's body is inviolable, subject to one's own will alone.
Tenet V. Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs.
Then they are to recite a personal affirmation: "By my body, my blood. Then by my will, it is done."
The ritual affirms The Temple's belief in personal responsibility and liberty that, coincidentally, mirror that of the U.S. Constitution.
"Satan is a symbol of the Eternal Rebel in opposition to arbitrary authority, forever defending personal sovereignty even in the face of insurmountable odds," the Temple's website reads.
There are two types of people in this world – those who panic and fill up their cars with gas when the needle hits 25% or so, and people like me who wait until the gas light comes on, then check the odometer so you can drive the entire 30 miles to absolute empty before coasting into a gas station on fumes.
I mean…it's not empty until it's empty, right?
But just how far can you drive your car once that gas light comes on? Should you trust your manual?
Now, thanks to Your Mechanic sharing this information in a recent post, you can know for sure. Of course, they also want to warn you that driving on a low fuel level or running out of gas can actually damage your car.
Now, thanks to Your Mechanic sharing this information in a recent post, you can know for sure. Of course, they also want to warn you that driving on a low fuel level or running out of gas can actually damage your car.
Proceed at your own risk.
These are, of course, approximations that depend on several factors, including how you drive, your car's condition, etc. So don't automatically blame your mechanic if you find yourself stranded on the side of the road.
If you ask people what they think the “perfect" body looks like, you're sure to get a range of answers, depending on where the person is from. Last year, Superdrug Online Doctor created a project, “Perceptions of Perfection" that showed what people in 18 countries think the “perfect" woman looks like. The project was a viral hit.
This time, they asked graphic designers—11 women and eight men—in 19 countries to photoshop the same image to highlight the male beauty standards for their country.
Some of the images are certainly amusing, but the collective result is an interesting look at what people find attractive around the world.
It's not revolutionary news that smoking wreaks havoc on your body in different ways. More often than not, however, the focus of anti-smoking campaigns is on your internal health, citing emphysema, heart disease, and lung cancer, to name just a few consequences.
While the superficial effects may not be as lethal, appealing to people's sense of vanity can have a powerful effect as this clever gallery below shows. Twins, only one of whom smokes, sit side by side, showing the profound damage smoking can cause to your face, hair, and teeth.
The twins' circumstances vary in each set of pictures, but the differences and effects are undeniable. In some instances, one of the twins never smoked. In others, the “smoking" twin had smoked for at least five years longer than the other “non-smoking" twin.
Though they're not common knowledge, the effects of smoking on your appearance are predictable and consistent. You can identify a smoker with ease if you know what you're looking for. Harmful smoke, dehydration, and even the heat from a burning cigarette can damage your complexion, hair, and eyes. The photos below helpfully point out the symptoms and effects on the smoking twin.
The photos here were taken from those of 79 pairs of identical twins at the Twins Days Festival in Twinsburg, Ohio. Though they weren't taken with this use in mind, that allows them to serve as an even more powerful testament to the effects as perceived by casual observers.
1. The eyes are a strong “tell" if someone's a smoker or not. In this photo, the smoker is the man on the right. He has smaller, more sunken eyes and carries more wrinkles throughout his face than his twin on the left. You'll also notice his hairline has receded further than his brother's. That's a little-known though hardly surprising effect of smoking habitually.
2. Here, the difference is profound. Though they're the same age, they look almost like they represent different generations. The smoking twin on the right has done so for 16 years, and it's manifested in a number of ways. Most noticeable is the pervasive discoloration of her skin compared to her twin on the left. Less noticeable, but still apparent, is the damage done to her lips, eyes, and even her hair. It's difficult to believe they're even related, let alone twins.
3. This comparison is less glaring but still apparent. The twin on the left is the smoker. You can see many more pronounced wrinkles on her forehead, under her eyes, and around her nose. There are also pronounced bags under her eyes.
4. In this comparison, the smoking twin only smokes about two cigarettes per day, so the difference will be less profound. The twin on the right is the smoker. The differences are on the subtle side, mostly the more damaged hair and the squintier eyes.
5. Based on what you've read in the earlier side by side pics, you might be able to ID the right twin as the smoker due to the discolored and receding hair as well as the aged skin.
6. These two twins are both elderly, so the differences are slightly less pronounced. Though the left twin has more graying hair, it's the right twin that's the smoker. She's got a droopier face, especially on the outside of the eyes. The wrinkles are also more pronounced in the brow and upper lip.
7. Though the two sisters here are also older, it's easier to distinguish the smoker. The left sister bears the hallmarks all over her skin. Her cheek, outer eye, and neck all look weathered from her habit. Not only is she more wrinkled, but the skin has begun to discolor from the fair tone her sister has.
8. Here it's pretty difficult to tell. The woman on the left is the smoker. She sports slightly discolored lips that are upon inspection, more wrinkled than her sister's. Since the lips are the most proximate to the smoke, they are a pretty telling feature when it comes to identifying smokers.
The pics above show a lot of singular traits that can call out a smoker, but it can be a lot more simple than that. Speaking to the NY Daily News, dermatologist Elizabeth Tanzi from George Washington Medical Center dispenses with the jargon, stating, “Smoking makes you look old. That's all there is to it."
Body autonomy means a person has the right to whatever they want with their own body.
We live in a world where people are constantly telling women what they can or can't do with their bodies. Women get it form all sides — Washington, their churches, family members, and even doctors.
A woman on Twitter who goes by the name Salome Strangelove recently went viral for discussing the importance of female body autonomy.
Here's how it started.
She continued talking about how her mother had a difficult pregnancy.
Her mother asked her doctor about the possibility of sterilization.
As was typical of the times, she was chastised by her male, Catholic doctor.
Her mother was made to feel guilty about simply exploring the medical options about her own body. But later on, a new doctor made her feel more comfortable about her situation.
None
Once her mother had the courage to speak up, her own family members supported her.
A mystery teacher has become an internet scholar after imgur user SharkyTheSharkDog shared photos of the extra credit questions on their exams.
While the first six are really fun—you should see if you can get them all correct—the last one is pure torture in the form of public humiliation.
Don't read too quickly, students.
1. How many seasons was “Full House" on the air?
2. Complete the verse... “I been in the game for ten years makin' rap tunes..."
3. What color pants does Jake from State Farm wear?
4. Okay, this one's going to be tough for you.
“Yesterday, during my lecture, I quickly mentioned that only a pink pen will save you tomorrow. Draw a stick figure below in that pink pen."
5. Describe the dumbest conversation you overheard recently.
Guy: Do you like Bon Jovi? Girl: No thanks, I don't eat Italian Food.
6. Including “The Revenant," how many times has Leo DiCaprio been nominated for an Academy Award?
7. And this one's a true test of your reading strategy.
First person to read this, stand up proudly on your chair, and yell at the top of your lungs, “Oh Captain, My Captain!" will receive a 95% on this exam. … ... ... *Just kidding. Name the drummer for The Beatles.
